It seems that there is a trend of secret engagements around me. Nothing is traditional anymore and I am all too happy to be associated with this some-what common untraditional society. No he did not get down on one knee, he did not have a ring and he did not have a speech prepared declaring his undying love for me. Which is very sweet and romantic, but let’s face it, this approach is not necessarily everyone’s style.
After years of talking about our future just in passing, I finally sat him down and started discussing how I wanted to get married, have a family, and despite the recent problems we were having and trying to fix, I needed to know that we were really moving on and moving forward. But, before I was able to finish my sentence, he sat on the couch, looked up at the ceiling and said “that is soo funny you say that, I was walking down this long pathway today and was thinking about when we should get married” (pointing out he was imagining us “walking down the aisle”). Of course this was exactly what I wanted to hear. So, we continued the conversation knowing we wanted to get married, that we wanted to have children and that we probably would be married already if certain situations in our 4 year relationship had gone a different path (like buying a house to nest in, moving to another city together for a job opportunity for one of us). But none of those happened so getting married was put on hold. As a conclusion to our conversation, we amicably felt we knew what we wanted; so, he went to his home office and I continued to clean the house. Then it hit me, wait, are we engaged then? So, I tip-toe my way towards him (I don’t know why I was scared) and asked him “so, does this mean we are engaged?” and he said “I thought we had been this whole time”. It turns out, my secret engagement was even a secret from me!!!!
I can say I am a proud member of the secret-society of secret engagements and we are officially engaged (oops!!! that was suppose to be a secret). We are not completely hiding our engagement by telling absolutely no one but we are not telling everybody. I told my sister and nephew, mom and dad and a hand-full of close friends, all the people who understand me and understand that there will not be a traditional ceremony and reception. The same people who WILL NOT be upset about it. He told his sister, mom and dad and a hand full of close friends as well (although, I believe the barber is not a close friend, but he told him and happen to get advice as to where I should get my wedding dress…awkwardly cute). A few days after “our announcement”, his mom sent him an email asking if he would be O.K. with her telling his aunts and uncles and he responded by telling her it would be fine but, not to make it into a big deal. When he told me this, I sent my mom a text and asked if she had told anybody. She told me she may or may not tell anybody and advised me to wait until after we get married so that nobody gets offended that they were not invited to our wedding. So, on goes our secret engagement.
After considering all of our options on how to get married without the big production, it came down to our version of eloping. Yes, we are going to Vegas!!! We booked our vacation/wedding (flight, hotel, even chapel) without telling anybody and without putting them in consideration, after all, it is OUR wedding, it is a secret engagement and we are some-what eloping. After we confirmed our booking, we then told our select few and said “if you can make it, great. If not, don’t worry about it”. Untraditional here we come…secret engagement will soon be over…but, it will definitely not be a secret marriage.
On continuing this tradition, my fiancé and I were having dinner with a close family friend of mine and his girlfriend last night. About 45 minutes into our dinner, she hints to me about looking at wedding dresses…next thing you know she asks him “have you told her yet”. So, just imagine my excitement, and he tells me they have decided to get married this year. Like us, they sat down, had a nice long discussion and decided they wanted to get married. They tell us the speech I had given them just 3 1/2 months ago that they are not telling anybody except close family and friends and they will probably have a quick little ceremony without the big production. WOO HOO!!! SECRET ENGAGEMENTS!!! Welcome to the club my dear friends!!!
I do not want to take away from the excitement and tradition of engagements and weddings. I am not encouraging anyone to agree and join our ways of getting married. I genuinely love hearing that someone is engaged and I will participate in every shower, party etc…that comes with their engagement. As for me, I simply want to get married, start a family and not prolong the process anymore. My dream is to be able to marry the love of my life in the simplest way possible and it gives me much pleasure to be able to announce one day to everyone “oh by the way, we got married”.
So, shhhhh…I’m engaged, just don’t tell anybody please.